Archive for the Rant Category

We Need a Solar Eclipse

Posted in Eclipse, Forks Online, Rant, Team Edward, Team Jacob, Twilight with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 23, 2010 by awesometeenmag

With Eclipse exactly one week away (say it with me now…..EEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!) I thought it best to start posting again. ( And here I thought starting my new non-editorial job would make me a better blogger. Turns out copywriting is just as time-consuming as magazine writing.) Anyhoo, back to my point: ECLIPSE IS COMING!!!!! So how are you celebrating? Are you camped out in Hollywood hoping to catch a glimpse of the trilogy and maybe an early screening? Are you doodling your name + Edward’s name on your school or work notebook? Or maybe you’re doing what I’m doing…panicking that our opening weekend numbers aren’t going to be up to snuff.

Why would I worry such a thing, you ask? One word: summer. Every other Twi-film has opened during the colder months. I mean, let’s face it….the Twi-cast and the Twi-hards love a good hoodie. We love a lumberjack-style flannel. We can’t get enough of the controversial “Bella” jacket from BB Dakota. What happens when we’re forced to go against the angsty styles of winter and wear happy tank tops and flip flops to the theater?

It's too darn hot to keep this thing on!

Sure, sure, it gets cold in movie theaters. And with national temps at an uber-high, it would make sense that the fine folks at your local cinema would crank their ACs so much that the moments leading up to Bella’s leghitch aren’t all that’s giving you the chills. But donning your sassy summer sundress outside and covering up with a Hot Topic psuedo-goth hoodie inside is beyond a fashion don’t. And we know Alice would NOT approve of such a thing.

Not to mention, we love getting out of our cars in the packed parking lot and snuggling in our overclothes all the way to the concession line, knowing that we’re about to enter a world where only werewolves take their shirts off and that grey and drizzly is the best possible forecast. What happens when we leave the theater (and the worlds of Forks and La Push) expecting it to be cold and grey and it’s hot and sunny? How on EARTH are we expected to remain in the Twi-world when the real world feels more like a scene out of Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth than our beloved Eclipse?

Plus! What about those poor campers I spoke of earlier? It’s one thing to camp out in November or December. Fleece Cullen Crest blankets and a thermos of hot chocolate are almost as effective as a werewolf in a sleeping bag when a gal needs to warm up, but those poor overnighting Twi-hards are setting themselves up for serious dehydration and heat exhaustion! Why wait hours to see the film when you’re just going to be taken out of there on a stretcher because you only brought one Team Edward bottle of water? (Not to mention, being carried out of a Twi-que for any reason-however medical-just makes you look like a passed out super fan who couldn’t control her excitement and makes the rest of us look even crazier than we already do…though we know we’re not crazy. Just crazy for Twilight! Crap, that sounded crazy in itself, didn’t it?)

Fill 'em up, gang!

What do you think, Twi-hards? Will the heat of the summer overshadow the heat between Bella and Edward? Will the fact that it’s hotter than a werewolf’s body temp keep us from getting ourselves to the theater on opening weekend and instead, wait for the DVD release which will ultimately occur in the cooler, darker fall months? Post your thoughts (and remedies for beating the pre-Eclipse heat) in the comments!

And check back all week and next week as I continue to post. I promise. Seriously. I’m gonna. I have been too inspired by my buddies at Letters to Twilight and their miraculous Steph Meyer meeting not to!

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Total Eclipse of the Start

Posted in Eclipse, Rant on May 6, 2010 by awesometeenmag

Ok, that title wasn’t my best work, but with only 54 days until the premiere of Eclipse (thank you, widget), the media blitz has begun. Between yesterday’s Oprah taping, today’s LA Times blog post and all the Internet buzz surrounding KStew’s Elle Magazine cover (which, BTW, I’m not reading or looking at until my copy comes in the mail, so no spoilers!!), this is the start of the final countdown to the movie! Woo! And then we only have to wait a year and a half for the next installment. Yay?

Ok, quick interruption of my own blog post: BOO!!! I was supposed to see 100 Monkeys with a friend of mine who is a hardcore fan (as in she hates Twilight but loves the band…yes, the band. And is friends with…wait for it…the band. Meaning I was THIS close to a drinking game rule from Jackson!). Anyhoo, the show got postponed because their van was going to blow up or something (sounds about right) and the ticket folk just called to tell me the show is officially cancelled. BOO!!! I was SO close to that drinking game rule!!!! Urrrrrg!!!! Anyway, what was I saying?

In the time since my last post, many things have happened. Rob appeared on Jimmy Fallon in a hysterical Robert is Bothered sketch, proving once and for all that while Jimmy’s impression sounds nothing like Rob, it’s way funnier (on purpose) than actual Rob.

That same night, I learned that I should never watch a Rob interview in front of my boyfriend. Not only does he think I’m insane for loving Twilight (sha!), evidently he thinks I’m a little too giddy over Rob. Allegedly, I watched the entire interview sitting as close to the TV as humanly possible (perched on the edge of the ottoman), wringing my hands and curling my toes and giggling incessantly. I honestly thought he was going to dump me then and there. Lesson to the ladies out there: unless he’s put a ring on it, don’t Twi-freak in front of your fella.

We also got some news on Breaking Dawn: it’s not coming out til November 2011. Really? REALLY?! Yes, I get that it takes a long time to make a movie and I get that if this book is being made into ONE film the CGI alone could take a year and a half. (Though, I still think it should be shot in two parts. See my previous post on how.) Oh well, at least this gives us ample time to prepare ourselves for the final installment(s). Yeah, that was a lame silver lining. There is NO silver lining for this one. Boo, boo, boo! By the time that movie comes out, I’ll be 31 and a half. WAY too old to care. (As opposed to being 30 when Eclipse comes out and salivating with anticipation every day between now and June 30…oooh, 30 on the 30th! Such a sign!!!)

Ok, so the actual point of this post: Eclipse. By now, we’ve all seen the trailer (I would hope). I’ve gotta say it, and don’t go throwing your stuffed wolves at me here, I was underwhelmed. I wanted the trailer to be scary. Like 28 Days Later scary. I needed it to be scary enough that I could show it to the BF and say, “look! It’s a horror movie! It’s legit!” But it wasn’t scary. And I already miss Rachelle. (No offense, Bryce.) But, there’s hope for the scary! The cast members (especially Kellan) keep insisting that this is a dark, edgy, scary movie with lots of fighting and lots of suspense. Stephanie Meyer knows, they’ve seen more of the movie than I have, so hopefully they’re right and the trailer was just cut to please Twi-hards rather than newbies (read: dudes). Kellan said in that LA Times article that guys would be bringing their girlfriends to this one, so let’s hope he’s right.

On a related note, do you think Kellan would like to bring ME to the film? Nothing against my own BF, but Kellan might be more willing to overlook my curled toes. And I’m pretty sure he could do things to me that would make them curl. Mind out of the gutter, Twi-hards, I was referring to his smile. Sheesh!

BTW Happy birthday to one of our most loyal, long-time readers, Suzi!! Hope you’re having a great day!!

Twi-Hardcore

Posted in Rant, Team Edward, Twilight with tags , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2010 by awesometeenmag

So get ready for some seriously shocking information, gang: A has been hanging out with a guy. Yeah. It’s like I have a social life or something!

Anyway, said guy—as is the case with most—doesn’t “get” Twilight. That’s fine. We don’t expect everyone to understand where we’re coming from. The guy is great, we have lots in common, but also lots not in common. (A combo that I think is good, for the record.) For instance, tonight he is taking me to a heavy metal concert. I’m currently listening to Taylor Swift. You see where I’m going with this.

Last night we were at a bar, where again he reiterated his confusion about my interest in all things Twi, claiming it’s for teenage girls (sha!) and that it didn’t make any sense for me to like it as much as I do. A few minutes later, this girl with tats and a black hoodie and skinny jeans (you know, very KStew) came up to talk to him. Evidently her fiance is the lead singer of a local metal band, so they chatted about stuff for a few minutes and I sat there feeling very prissy and out of place in my dress and boots, thinking that this girl must think I’m a total ahole or something. But then, she turned to face me and I saw it. On the bottom of her hoodie….a Twilight pin.

I almost squealed! But composed myself and said, “I like your pin.” To which she responded, “no, wait.” and unzipped her hoodie to reveal AN EDWARD T-SHIRT!!!!

Said guy was more than shocked. He was flumoxed. He was flabbergasted. The girl and I talked Twilight as he sat in disbelief. (PS her fiance’s name is Jacob and she’s Team Edward….oh the irony!) I told her that he was taking me to a metal show and that I fully intended to wear my Team Edward shirt to be sure I didn’t lose my identity. She said she was going to be at the show too and would wear hers as well.

She walked back to her table, leaving me and my completely disgusted date at our table. I was so giddy about the exchange I couldn’t stop giggling. Then she came back over and put a pin with Edward and Bella down on the table and said she wanted me to have it. I immediately put it on my dress and all was right with the world.

It just goes to show, you can’t judge a book by its cover. Unless that cover has a pair of hands holding an apple on it.

Twi-Bored….

Posted in Rant with tags , , , , , , , , on January 13, 2010 by awesometeenmag

(SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t read Breaking Dawn yet, don’t read this post.)

Is anyone else feeling totally Twi-bored? Seriously. This lag time between New Moon and Eclipse is a killer. Sure, we have the DVD to look forward to (in March? Please?), but outside of that, all we have is a slew of rumors about the future of Breaking Dawn.

Here’s our deal on Breaking Dawn: Why does it have to be so darn tough? Firstly, make it into two movies. Come on. If you can end New Moon with the up-in-the-air (no Anna Kendrick pun intended) moment, let me paint you a picture of the final scene in Breaking Dawn I: Bella goes into labor, we use camera angles to avoid the necessity of some kind of creepy horror movie baby coming out of her body. (We know KStew is awesome at the screaming in agony thing, let’s play it up. Give the gal her time to shine!) This allows the producers time to include the honeymoon (see next paragraph), the pregnancy and Jacob’s side of the story all in one convenient 2 hour and 20 minute package. Easy peasy.

As for the honeymoon. We’re gonna go ahead and call in a favor from Summit right now. We figure they owe us for all the money we’ve put in their pockets. (Not to mention the great ideas!) Please make Breaking Dawn I and II rated-R. We know what you’re thinking: but what about the tweens? Know what we say? Screw the tweens! They’ll sneak in! That’s what they like to do anyway! We need some seriously hot and heavy pillow-biting scenes. Not to mention, the vampire sex scene in what will become Breaking Dawn II. Don’t you DARE take that from me. DON’T. YOU. DARE. Seriously, it needs to be full-on hot and heavy vampire sex. And if it’s not, I’ll throw my shoe. Seriously. I will. Maybe both.

The final scene of the film will be Edward injecting the venom into Bella’s lifeless body and looking exhausted and frightened. Maybe we close on the sound of a crying baby. (I’m pretty good at this, huh? I was a film major.)

We open Breaking Dawn II as Bella is waking up and seeing the world as a vampire for the first time. This also gives us additional time to work out the CG nightmare that is Nessie. How would I handle Nessie? Glad you asked.

In the beginning, we get cute babies/toddlers (think Olsens, but cuter) to play baby Nessie. All the child has to know how to do is put her hand on people’s faces. That’s way easier than what they do with those talking babies on the E*Trade commercials! Then, as Nessie gets older, hire a precocious 6- or 7-year-old to play her. It’s been done. Look at Dakota Fanning…how do you think she got her start? (Note to producers: do NOT cast Noah Cyrus. I will not allow a Cyrus to ruin the franchise.) No crazy CG necessary. Just a little bit of movie magic and camera trickery. And if you do need CG, hire the guys who did the E*Trade commercials. Or the Evian ads with the skating babies!

All of this back and forth with will they or won’t they be able to make the film, one movie, two movies, blah blah blah…it’s unnecessary. And it’s taking time away from what I really want to be doing: repeatedly playing the New Moon Drinking Game, analyzing any and all possible Robsten sightings (PS did you guys see THIS?? I can’t imagine it’s anything other than a real-life Robsten sighting! Look at her hair!!), and counting down the days ’till Eclipse.

Ok, Summit, there you have it. Problems solved. Get to work. I don’t want this kind of lag time between Eclipse and BDI (and seriously, how awesome does that look on a poster?). Oh, and BTW, you’re welcome.

Knock Off the Knock Offs!

Posted in Forks Online, Rant with tags , , , on October 8, 2009 by awesometeenmag

We’re as protective of our online Twilight community as Edward ever was over Bella, so when we heard about this, we knew we couldn’t ignore it. Check out the situation on ROBsessed and join us boycotting anyone selling, advertising, or having anything to do with this copycat operation behind the “ROBsessed” DVD. 

Let’s stand up to the Volturi, er, DVD makers together! Back off, a-holes! You don’t wanna mess with the online Twi community. We’re a pretty loyal breed.

Love Letter to Letters to Twilight

Posted in Rant with tags , , , , , , , on August 17, 2009 by awesometeenmag

Good morning, Twi-hards! It’s been a while since our last post…turns out A isn’t as good at multi-tasking as she might have thought she’d be. Anyhoo, today we received the best motivation ever to be the best Twi-site we can be: our good friends at Letters to Twilight got the ultimate Twi-shout out. In her first post in months, Stephenie Meyer herself called out LTT and thanked UC and Moon for the laughs. Ummm, really? REALLY??? How freaking amazing is that?!!

Seriously. Let’s talk about this. THE Stephenie Meyer. The one who wrote Twilight. The one who dreamt of Edward and Bella and thus gave us all a reason to live and blog! THAT Stephenie Meyer called out LTT!! A was so excited when she read the post that she screamed. Loudly. (Sorry, neighbors!)

Because we at ATWIM wanna be just like LTT when we grow up (blog-wise…age-wise we’re already a wee bit past that possibility), we thought we’d compile a list of shout-outs we’d settle for. Kind of like, if the Queen of England shouted out LTT (as the queen is prone to do), we’d settle for a high-five from Prince Harry. Or even Charles. Ears and all…

1. Melissa Rosenberg, screenwriter, The Twilight Saga movies. She may not have written the concepts, but she does a damn good job of translating them to the big screen. (That “spider monkey” line wasn’t hers, so she remains in our good graces. Cathy Hardwicke on the other hand, well you know how we feel about her). We’re thinking maybe Mel would like to write our names into Breaking Dawn. Maybe some of those random vamps could get new names. We’d be happy with Zafrin-A and Senna-M. Ok that one was a stretch.

2.  Solomon Trimble, the exotic-looking but confused girl who thinks she’s Sam Uley. Ohh, Solomon. We feel your pain. You were namelessly cast in Twilight, decided you must be Sam Uley (though again, it’s never mentioned onscreen), and ran with it. A quick viewing of your IMDB profile shows that you’ve got nothing else on the books right now. Well, how about this: next time you’re out and about promoting your supposed appearance in Twilight or Quileute dance ceremonies or what have you, what say you throw us a mention? It could def increase your 15 minutes. If only on our site.

 

My sister, Sam.

My sister, Sam.

 

 

3. Seth Meyer, webmaster of StephenieMeyer.com/brother to Steph. This wouldn’t have to be anything major. We know Seth’s a busy guy, what with updating the site and being the name-spiration for Seth Clearwater. But what about just a little mention? Something to the effect of “those girls from Awesome Twilight Musings need to stop emailing me about mentioning them on this site” would be fine by us. (PS A has a crush on SNL’s Seth Meyers, so if he mistakes this post to be about him, we’d be fine with that.)

4. 100 Monkeys. Though most of the time, we aren’t entirely sure what you’re singing, we like to think that if you threw the words “ATWIM,” “ATM,” “M” or “A” in one of those jumble-y songs of yours, we’d catch it. Just do something so we know to listen for it. Like make a crazy face or wear a crazy hat. Ohhhhh wait…

 

Dance, Monkey!

Dance, Monkey!

5. Kellan Lutz. Kellan, you know how much A loves you. You must. She talks about it enough. So help a sister out and give her a little name drop. We heard you had a meeting with Summit this weekend. Was it about those racy running photos? Perhaps you should issue a public apology, explaining that the reason you were so, um, visible, was because you were thinking of A. Or had left your boxer briefs on her bedroom floor that morning. Or, if you’d prefer to shout her out in a less public forum, a name-drop in the throes of passion would be fine. As long as she’s in the room to hear it.

 

Come and get it, A!

Come and get it, A!

That’s Not OK!

Posted in Rant with tags , , , , , , , on July 25, 2009 by awesometeenmag

So we don’t usually post on Saturday, but something came to our attention that had to be written. While picking up her Rob-graced People Magazine last night on her way home from the bar (when all great purchases are made, natch), A spotted an issue of OK! Magazine with Robsten on the cover and the headline ROB AND KRISTEN REUNITE: STEAMY NIGHTS TOGETHER. Knowing the importance of investigative journalism and factual reporting, A added the mag to her pile and headed home. 

The gist of the story is this: Rob loved Kristen for a long time. Kristen loved Michael Angarano and thwarted his advances. Same story since time began, right? Ok, so here’s the part that PROVES that OK! Magazine is a big fat liar.

You see, Twi-hards, this issue came out BEFORE Comic-Con. The story goes on to claim that KStew has decided (upon seeing a photo of Emilie de Ravin’s hands ‘resting tenderly on Rob’s arm’) that she is in love with Rob and must get him back. (Even Dakota Fanning is insisting she reclaim what is rightfully hers. Did we mention Dakota Fanning’s like 15?! Yeah. Anyway.) Back to the point. OK! claims that Kristen was so intent upon recapturing Rob’s heart that (and we’re quoting here):

“She asked her Runaways stylist to find her a sexy sundress and a couple of great outfits to wear at the convention. She wants to look so amazing that Rob won’t be able to take his eyes off her.”

Wow. Just. Wow. Really? Does this look like an amazing, sexy outfit that the hottest man in the world wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off of? Does it look like a sundress? Does it look like it’s ever been washed? Check your facts OK! And trust no one, readers.

 

If you're cracked out and you know it, tug your shirt!

If you're cracked out and you know it, tug your shirt!

PS We found this pic on SAWF News. If they want us to take it down, we will gladly oblige, but it was too funny not to post.