Sweet Things

In what could be the worst timing ever, Co-Creator A finally found the New Moon chocolate candies at her local Blockbuster…on the first day of her new diet. Committed to both fitness and the Twilight Saga, A purchased them, but has yet to try them (enjoying the bouquet, while resisting the wine, if you will). She has added them to her random Twilight stuff collection, right next to the Twilight Sweethearts and across from the Edward doll M knit her for her birthday. (Add in a couple dozen cats and A is sounding like a helluva catch right about now!).

Anyhoo, we wondered if anyone has bitten into one of these bad boys (or bad girl)? If so, what do you think? Are they worth eating, or just fun to look at? Or play with? (They make for great puppets! Look at the way Edward longingly stares at Bella!) Weigh in Twi-hards….should A break her diet and take a bite?

 

Twi-abetics might wanna wait for the sugar-free version.

The Twi-itter People (Part 1)

It’s no secret that I, Co-Creator A, am a little crazy when it comes to Twilight. Yes, I have a giant Twilight movie poster hanging in my office. Yes, I have read the books at least 5 times each. Yes, my ultimate goal this year is to attend the convention and meet Emmett. Whatevs. Last week, while researching ‘The Twi-itter Wars (of the South)’ I came across a group of Twi-hards way crazier than myself. 

It should be mentioned that when I say crazy, I don’t mean it in a bad way. Not entirely anyway. Like I said, I’m pretty fanatical when it comes to my Twi-abetes, so to call the kettle black would make this pot a bit of a hypocrite. However, these fans are taking their obsessions WAY beyond anything I’ve ever done.

Remember back to simpler times. A time with no MySpace, no Facebook, no texting. When AOL was the hottest way to surf your 28.8k net and chat rooms were full of interesting people pretending to be celebrities (I still swear that girl I talked to in 1997 REALLY was Sarah Jessica Parker!). People would pseudo-converse in a pseudo-public forum and when their conversation needed to get a little more detailed, take it to an IM. Those who wanted to have detailed conversations with more than one person would go to private chats named  for oh-so-important topics, like singlefolksinAZ or ILuvSBTBthenewclass. The really intense ones would role play in their chat rooms. Wizards, knights, magicians, they all had their own private chats where they could really get down to the nitty gritty and talk as though they knew how to cast spells, save maidens and pull rabbits out of their virtual hats. We would read and we would laugh. What kind of person gets so crazy about fictional things that they pretend to be those fictional things online?

Enter the new private chat room: Twi-itter Role Players or TRPs. Like I said, I never meant to find this rare breed of Twi-hard. I was looking for celeb Twi-itter accounts and found Alice’s first. I laughed at the intense and questionably delusional things she tweeted to Jasper. For instance: *giggling, leaning down to kiss your neck* Gotcha! (FYI: When people use * to signify action, we start to worry. This is classic old-school AOL chat room behavior!) Anyway, I thought this stuff was fantastic (Co-Creator M was way more creeped out than I was. Doesn’t speak highly of me.) and immediately decided to follow all of them. Bella, Edward, Esme, Carlisle, Jacob, Emmett, Rose…they all have accounts! Even Renesmee has one!! It never ends!

Literally. They never shut up. Never! They’re always talking to each other. Always *doing some sort of action* or sending each other song lyrics. It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever seen! These people must not have jobs…which makes me think they’re like 16. That would make sense anyway, since that’s how old I was the last time I *said I was doing some sort of action*. But as crazy as they are, I can’t stop following them! Which means that you, lucky ATWIM reader(s), get two days of Twi-itter role playing stories! So stay tuned for tomorrow’s installment, which is full of deceit, back-stabbing, adultery and, wait for it, Twitter sex.

Howl at the (New) Moon

Just like you, dear Twlight fans, we often find ourselves defending the intense awesomeness that is the Twilight Saga to our male friends. No matter how much we champion the bone-crushing fights (Bella DID get her leg broken), fast cars and reckless driving, alluring, beautiful female vamps, and of course, the baseball-related undertones, they can’t seem to get past the chick-flickiness of the movie. (Or maybe it’s our constant male comparisons to one Mr. Robert Pattison. We’re not quite sure.)  In any case, we here at ATWIM are constantly searching for new ways to increase male viewership. Not only because we would hate to deny them of the movie’s awesomeness, but—and most importantly—to secure ourselves dates for multiple viewings of New Moon (because let’s be honest, ladies…it will get expensive paying to see it in theaters 16 times).

Ever on the boy-enticing prowl (wolf pun intended),  we cyber-stumbled upon this amazing Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt from Amazon.com. Sure, sure, it looks like your average Napoleon Dynamite-inspired thrift store tee (you know, the sort of thing those emo kids on the New Moon poster might wear ironically), but just like Jacob’s wolf pack, it has a much higher purpose. After reading the 200+ customer reviews, it’s apparent that this seemingly mundane shirt captures the essence and allure of our favorite wolf pack in ways even we true fans cannot fathom. Take shirt wearer (and soon to be Twilight fan) Bee Dot Govern, for instance: “I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling alongside out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.”

Just like Jacob once (briefly) had Bella’s heart, Bee Dot Govern got his own heavy-breathing, slightly unkempt (BURN, KStew!!) leading lady. And just like Jacob saved Bella many times, the power of the wolf shirt helped David Luzader save a choking man’s life. Finally! Now guys will see that we love the Quileute wolf pack for more than just being shirtless and hot (though we def love them for those reasons too. Mmm, wolf pack.).

So ladies, add a little wolf to your wardrobe, because thanks to the magic of this shirt—for a mere $9.14—you’ll have your guy pledging his alliance to Team Jacob and imprinting on you in no time! And if all goes according to plan, by November he’ll be so enthralled with all that is Twilight that he might even plan on dressing like Edward for your big New Moon date night.

Editors’ Note: If you’re not Team Jacob, check out our Team Switzerland Awesome Teen Shirts.

New EMO-on

As most of you know by now, dear reader(s), the official poster for New Moon has been released to the public. I, Co-Creator A—despite going to bed at 3am—set my alarm for 6:45 so I would be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the 7am release. (I settled for groggy and semi-functional.) What I saw when I clicked on Twi-site after Twi-site baffled me.

Ok, maybe baffled isn’t the right word. Afterall, I knew what the formula would be: one part sad Bella, one part angsty Edward, one part wolfy and protective Jacob. The one thing I didn’t take into account: the emo factor.

I realize that Kstew’s and Rpattz’s (and consequently all other cast members’) wardrobe choices probably have set a precedent for the saga’s overall feeling. They all love their skinny jeans and plaid flannels (the latter of which at least makes sense geographically) and they spend a lot of time listening to (and making) the angsty music that was a constant source of inspiration to Stephenie Meyer. But that poster? Really, Summit? It’s like an ad for Hot Topic!

Not only does Edward look ridiculously pale and sickly—not to mention he’s wearing more makeup than Lady GaGa on a performance day—he’s standing like a kid who would certainly be picked last for kickball (a shame given his awesome baseball skills). Jacob, in addition to looking way too angry for Jacob in most of that book/film, has red eyes (aren’t those reserved for vamps??) and rather than rocking his easily-tethered-to-his-ankle sweat pants, is wearing something straight out of Seth Cohen’s wardrobe. Also, his arm looks oddly harry. A reference, we can assume, to his wolfiness, but an unnecessary and overly literal one.

In fact Bella—and you know it takes a lot for me to say this—looks remarkably pretty (well done, retouchers! BURN, Stewart!), and is the most normal of the bunch!

Showcasing the three stars in all their emo glory makes us wonder: Will Emmett rock guy-liner a la Pete Wentz? Will Rosalie channel her inner hipster and trade in her designer labels for Jenny Humphry-esque Urban Outfitters frocks? And will Jasper look exactly like he did in his recent Nylon Magazine shoot?

Maybe it was the early wake up call, maybe it was the fact that I had a little too much wine the night before, or maybe it was my ridiculously high expectations, but this emo-tastic nonsense just didn’t do it for me. In fact, it makes ME want to run off to Italy. (And not just so I can sneak into RPattz and Kellan’s shared hotel room. Co-Creator A sandwich! You’re welcome RPattz and KLutz..)

What did you guys think of the poster??

Wolf Crush

My name is Co-Creator A. And I have a wolf crush.

I know, I know! It’s sacrilege to abandon my beautiful, perfect Edward, but Taylor Lautner makes a pretty convincing arguement. Now, I can’t speak for Co-Creator M (who, to be fair, has been Team Jacob from the get go…when she’s not Team Jasper, WTF?), but I have loved only Edward from the beginning (ok and Emmett, but whatevs). Despite Stephenie Meyer’s obvious attempts to make us all fall for Jake’s wolfy ways, I remained ever true to Edward, just as Bella did. (Except for that one stupid kiss. Seriously, Bella?) Not to mention, I’ve always thought Rob was way hotter than Taylor (possibly because he’s much closer to my age), but after last weeks’s Entertainment Tonight coverage, I am starting to answer the siren song of Team Taylor. 

From the moment he leapt off that porch calling Bella’s name in the New Moon footage, my heart was torn in two, and I finally understand Bella’s conundrum. Sure, sure, Edward is romantic and beautiful and completely devoted (with the obvious exception of the New Moon break-up), but have you seen Jacob’s abs? No really. Have you??

Not to mention, the casting of the rest of the pack is only making my wolf crushing more intense! All those very tan, very toned, super serious looking dudes? What’s not to like? Put them in formation behind Jake and it’s enough to raise MY temperature to 108! 

With this wolf crush comes intense excitement for New Moon. I will be honest, on my first reading, I hated New Moon. I thought it was a useless book that did nothing but make me long for Edward and wish I’d never left the comfort of Twilight. The second time I read it, I liked it a little better. Ditto the third. Last night, I finished it for the fourth time (I work from home, I have a lot of time on my hands) and I have to say, I was sad to put it down. Worse yet, I was sad to see Bella go to Italy, knowing it meant the end of her free and easy days with Jacob. (Though technically those ended after the three-way movie date night.) 

Now I’m left with the same hole Bella nursed in the book, though mine is empty for a wolf fix. How will I ever wait 7 months to see Summit’s interpretation of what has become my favorite of the four books? Maybe if *I* start doing crazy things, I will hear Taylor Lautner’s voice in my head. Or I could just watch Entertainment Tonight every night for the next 28 weeks and I’d probably get the same results.

I know it would be silly to reread the book every week until the movie comes out, but that doesn’t mean I’m not considering it.

It’s Hard Out Here for a Fan

It truly is hard out here for a fan. First there’s the alienation. Friends who haven’t read the books don’t get it: it’s a teen romance novel, how lame. They don’t understand that it’s more than that! Plus, this makes it tough to include quippy Twilight references in everyday dialogue. When I say I am drinking my coffee Jacob, they don’t know that I am referring to Jacob Black (get it? I’m pretty proud of that one!). When I predict what’s going to happen in any given situation and get it right and call myself Alice, there’s no laughter. Only confused looks and eye rolling. Awkward.

And while my close friends do love the series, none of them share my extreme obsession with it. (If Twilight was Bella, they’re Mike Newton and I’m Edward. It’s a totally different level of devotion! BTW, if you laughed at that joke, you can be my BFF!)

None of them understand why I am on my fourth (not kidding) round of reading the books. (To be fair, I have purchased other books in recent months, but none of them hold my interest and I always return to Forks to catch up with  my old friends. Plus, my Twilight bookmark just reminds me of what I’m missing!) None of them get why I spend every Sunday morning calling every Toys R Us, Wal-Mart and Target in a tri-county area to find the board game (though they are willing to play it if I throw in a drinking game or two).

And that’s another thing! I’m running out of products! Now that the DVD has been released (I currently own 4 copies of the movie. That’s too much even for me.) and I’ve read all the books, there’s nothing left for me! Sure sure, the board game is out there somewhere (though no one seems to have it in stock, nor be able to tell me when I can get it), but until Stephenie Meyer’s next book (The Twilight Saga: The Official Guide) comes out (there’s currently NO release date! WTF?!) or until the new movie releases on November 21, I’m out of Twi-lectibles and Twi-life experiences! (Well, there is the convention this summer, but they have yet to approve ATM for press passes…a fact that keeps me up nights. That and my re-reading hobby.)

And while I was hoping to meet new Twiabetic friends at the DVD release the other night, I have to admit, the crowd was a little more teen than 20-something. The only adult options were an overzealous soccer mom who was so fervent about her Twilight trivia responses that I thought she was going to pull a hammy, and a really creepy 40-something guy with a mullet who, if he hadn’t been so good at answering the trivia questions, I would have assumed would be starring in a future installment of To Catch a Predator.  The whole thing was enough to send me into a Twi-abetic coma (sorry if that was offensive, Bret Michaels and Nick Jonas. Have you two met, BTW?).

In closing, I’d just like to remind all of you non-fans and lukewarm fans that we Twi-hards have feelings too. And just because our (not-so) guilty pleasure comes in the form of a teen romance novel in which vampires sparkle in the sun and dote on their human paramours, doesn’t make us any less cool than those of you who love to play Rock Band or watch South Park. Now if  you’ll excuse me, I have some toy stores to call and some reading to do.

King of Vampires

If you’re anything like us (and we know you are), you spend more time defending your obsession with the Twilight books to non-believers than you do reminiscing about Bella and Jacob’s first kiss (for better or worse). Your roommate, your co-worker—hell, any boy for that matter—they just don’t understand how the written word could be so captivating that we hole up in our bedrooms reading for hours. (WTF! You don’t hear us questioning your subscription to Playboy!)

Well faithful ATM reader(s)/Twilighters, no longer will you have to defend, lie, or steal (unless, of course, you’re pirating the movie to play the ATM-patented Twilight Drinking Game ™ )in order to get your Twilight fix.  Our hometown hero (and we’re not talking about Pee Wee Herman) went on record to admit reading Twilight.   That’s right.  Stephen King, Mr. New York Times Best Selling Fiction Writer himself has endured the same Bella-Edward-Jacob-Mike-Jessica love rollercoaster that we have.  Who cares if he hated it. Just saying the words, ” Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn,” means that he has personally read the book to make such a claim. *

Wow…stars really are like us!  He, like us, has curled up on the sofa late at night reading the book. Okay, so maybe he was wearing jeans that were a few inches too short (same hometown, remember? There are just some things we know here at ATM…that’s why we have our own blog.) and we looked hot wearing our fresh from the Outback new knitted knee-high Uggs while reading. But that’s beside the point.

If Stephen King can spend his days writing novels that scare the socks off you and his nights engulfed in Twilight, then why can’t we come home from work and share a bottle of wine with our fictional best friends, too? So to you boys that question our sanity every time we utter the words, “I sooo wish I was a vampire,” consider this:  while we’re off saving money for our boob job and bleaching our hair (Hef is still into blondes, right?), the least you could do is glue a little glitter to your face when we go outside. I mean…come on.

*Editors note:  While it is apparent that our loyalities lie with the Twighlight saga, it should be noted that in no way has our opinion of Mr. King swayed.  If someone would have asked us our opinion, we here at ATM, being the literary genuises that we are, would have agreed with Mr. King’s sentiments regarding Mrs. Meyers’ writing skills.  In fact, Co-Creator A has drafted an account of her average evening in the voice of Mrs. Meyers, proving that with a few key (and over used) phrases, anyone can sound like a best selling author.