It’s Hard Out Here for a Fan

It truly is hard out here for a fan. First there’s the alienation. Friends who haven’t read the books don’t get it: it’s a teen romance novel, how lame. They don’t understand that it’s more than that! Plus, this makes it tough to include quippy Twilight references in everyday dialogue. When I say I am drinking my coffee Jacob, they don’t know that I am referring to Jacob Black (get it? I’m pretty proud of that one!). When I predict what’s going to happen in any given situation and get it right and call myself Alice, there’s no laughter. Only confused looks and eye rolling. Awkward.

And while my close friends do love the series, none of them share my extreme obsession with it. (If Twilight was Bella, they’re Mike Newton and I’m Edward. It’s a totally different level of devotion! BTW, if you laughed at that joke, you can be my BFF!)

None of them understand why I am on my fourth (not kidding) round of reading the books. (To be fair, I have purchased other books in recent months, but none of them hold my interest and I always return to Forks to catch up with  my old friends. Plus, my Twilight bookmark just reminds me of what I’m missing!) None of them get why I spend every Sunday morning calling every Toys R Us, Wal-Mart and Target in a tri-county area to find the board game (though they are willing to play it if I throw in a drinking game or two).

And that’s another thing! I’m running out of products! Now that the DVD has been released (I currently own 4 copies of the movie. That’s too much even for me.) and I’ve read all the books, there’s nothing left for me! Sure sure, the board game is out there somewhere (though no one seems to have it in stock, nor be able to tell me when I can get it), but until Stephenie Meyer’s next book (The Twilight Saga: The Official Guide) comes out (there’s currently NO release date! WTF?!) or until the new movie releases on November 21, I’m out of Twi-lectibles and Twi-life experiences! (Well, there is the convention this summer, but they have yet to approve ATM for press passes…a fact that keeps me up nights. That and my re-reading hobby.)

And while I was hoping to meet new Twiabetic friends at the DVD release the other night, I have to admit, the crowd was a little more teen than 20-something. The only adult options were an overzealous soccer mom who was so fervent about her Twilight trivia responses that I thought she was going to pull a hammy, and a really creepy 40-something guy with a mullet who, if he hadn’t been so good at answering the trivia questions, I would have assumed would be starring in a future installment of To Catch a Predator.  The whole thing was enough to send me into a Twi-abetic coma (sorry if that was offensive, Bret Michaels and Nick Jonas. Have you two met, BTW?).

In closing, I’d just like to remind all of you non-fans and lukewarm fans that we Twi-hards have feelings too. And just because our (not-so) guilty pleasure comes in the form of a teen romance novel in which vampires sparkle in the sun and dote on their human paramours, doesn’t make us any less cool than those of you who love to play Rock Band or watch South Park. Now if  you’ll excuse me, I have some toy stores to call and some reading to do.

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