New EMO-on

As most of you know by now, dear reader(s), the official poster for New Moon has been released to the public. I, Co-Creator A—despite going to bed at 3am—set my alarm for 6:45 so I would be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the 7am release. (I settled for groggy and semi-functional.) What I saw when I clicked on Twi-site after Twi-site baffled me.

Ok, maybe baffled isn’t the right word. Afterall, I knew what the formula would be: one part sad Bella, one part angsty Edward, one part wolfy and protective Jacob. The one thing I didn’t take into account: the emo factor.

I realize that Kstew’s and Rpattz’s (and consequently all other cast members’) wardrobe choices probably have set a precedent for the saga’s overall feeling. They all love their skinny jeans and plaid flannels (the latter of which at least makes sense geographically) and they spend a lot of time listening to (and making) the angsty music that was a constant source of inspiration to Stephenie Meyer. But that poster? Really, Summit? It’s like an ad for Hot Topic!

Not only does Edward look ridiculously pale and sickly—not to mention he’s wearing more makeup than Lady GaGa on a performance day—he’s standing like a kid who would certainly be picked last for kickball (a shame given his awesome baseball skills). Jacob, in addition to looking way too angry for Jacob in most of that book/film, has red eyes (aren’t those reserved for vamps??) and rather than rocking his easily-tethered-to-his-ankle sweat pants, is wearing something straight out of Seth Cohen’s wardrobe. Also, his arm looks oddly harry. A reference, we can assume, to his wolfiness, but an unnecessary and overly literal one.

In fact Bella—and you know it takes a lot for me to say this—looks remarkably pretty (well done, retouchers! BURN, Stewart!), and is the most normal of the bunch!

Showcasing the three stars in all their emo glory makes us wonder: Will Emmett rock guy-liner a la Pete Wentz? Will Rosalie channel her inner hipster and trade in her designer labels for Jenny Humphry-esque Urban Outfitters frocks? And will Jasper look exactly like he did in his recent Nylon Magazine shoot?

Maybe it was the early wake up call, maybe it was the fact that I had a little too much wine the night before, or maybe it was my ridiculously high expectations, but this emo-tastic nonsense just didn’t do it for me. In fact, it makes ME want to run off to Italy. (And not just so I can sneak into RPattz and Kellan’s shared hotel room. Co-Creator A sandwich! You’re welcome RPattz and KLutz..)

What did you guys think of the poster??


One Response to “New EMO-on”

  1. […] it looks like your average Napoleon Dynamite-inspired thrift store tee (you know, the sort of thing those emo kids on the New Moon poster might wear ironically), but just like Jacob’s wolf pack, it has a much higher purpose. After […]

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