Twi-entology

We’ll be the first to admit it: We’ve been known to give Tom Cruise a pretty hard time.  And while we can’t deny the fact that the guy is kookier and creepier than the Adams Family, we find ourselves in a bit of a proverbial pickle. You see, dear reader(s), we realized today that Tom Cruise is just like us. And not in the stars are just like us kind of way (we’re pretty sure he didn’t have to wait in line to ride Small World when he took the fam to Disney last week. Though Connor probably did.). No dear ATM reader(s), Tom Cruise is just like us (and dare we say just like you) because he too is obsessed with a book written by a devout religious figure.

Today, as many of you may know (Co-Creator M sure did) is L. Ron Hubbard’s (founder of Scientology, duh!) birthday. Sure the dude’s dead, but Scientologists all over the world are celebrating by continuing to avoid antidepressants and preaching the good word of Xenu everywhere they go. (Jada and Will, you can’t deny your involvement once you’ve inflated that L. Ron Hubbard bounce house in the back yard for the kids. Jayden, no bouncing til L. Ron’s head is completely full of air! Don’t make daddy go all Independence Day on you!) While normally we would mock this fact, we’ve come to realize there are many similarities between those who subscribe to the good book that is Dianetics and those who subscribe to the even better book that is Twilight (written by Mormon-at-large Stephenie Meyer).

Think about it, it’s pretty uncanny! Tom Cruise preaches Scientology every chance he gets. Meanwhile, Co-Creator A accosted a man carrying a copy of Eclipse at the dog park yesterday and preached Team Edward to him for thirty minutes. Tom Cruise went on The Today Show to denounce Brooke Shields’ use of anti-depressants when she suffered postpartum depression after the birth of her first child. We’ve made many a Flip camera video about why people who don’t read the series are glib. Tom Cruise doesn’t leave the house without a Scientology teacher by his side. We don’t leave the house without wishing that Edward was walking along beside us! Not to mention our camps are forever linked by one small thing: Dakota Fanning. After starring in War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise, he gifted her an iPod and her first cellphone. Now, the pint-sized pixie is set to play Jane, a member of the Volturi, in the movies!

We share so much with Mr. Cruise that from now on, we promise to be nicer to him. We take back all of the jive talking and the nay-saying and we will officially adhere to a peace treaty—just as the wolves and the Cullens do—and refrain from making fun of his beliefs.

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