Stranger Than Fiction

(SPOLER ALERT: Don’t read this if you haven’t read Breaking Dawn. In fact, don’t read ATWIM if you haven’t read Breaking Dawn. We can’t be pussyfooting around your slow reading!)

Psst! Hey! Over here! Remember us, dear reader(s)? It’s been a while. We suck. The real-life workload has been intense, so we at ATWIM have been on an accidental leave of absence from all things Twi-writing. But guess who’s back in the mother-Cullen house? This lady! (Co-Creator A.) 

In our time apart, one thing has become abundantly clear. Over and over again. OK! Magazine likes to make stuff up. Now, I’m not saying OK! isn’t a reliable source…for who wore it best opinions and hot handbag trend suggestions. What I am saying is that they love themselves a good Robsten story. And by good, I mean fake.

For instance, this week’s issue features a cover photo of RPattz and KStew looking googley eyed at one another with the headline “WEDDING OF THE YEAR!” Now granted, Rob and Kris are indeed looking googley eyed at one another (though the photo is from the premiere of Twilight), but the headline is clearly referring to Bella and Edward, not Kristen and Rob. 

The story inside does an interesting job of weaving real-life RPattz and KStew stories with storylines from the Twilight books. This brings up an interesting point:

As many of you know, in real life, I am indeed a journalist. Recently at a bar, a ridiculously drunken fellow sat down next to me and attempted to make slurry small talk. Upon hearing what I did for a living, he asked me who my literary influences were (though not quite so eloquently). I asked if he meant journalistically and he said, “no, like, fiction writers.” I explained that while I am an avid reader (reading the Twilight saga about a thousand times qualifies me as avid, no?), that I didn’t think it was wise for a journalist to allow her fact-based writing to be influenced by fiction writers. The drunkard then proceeded to give ME a look of distain and a judgemental sigh! (BTW, he also didn’t consider Steph Meyer one of the literary greats. Seriously, who was this dude?!)

Anyhoo, I chalked it up to a drunkass nobody being dumb. Turns out, he was right! And OK! Magazine proves it: Journalists SHOULD be influenced by fiction writers! This entire cover story is not only influenced by Stephenie Meyers’ words, it quotes them!

Let me break you off a piece…

So Will Robsten’s nuptials also mimic Edward and Bella’s? As human-undead weddings go, Breaking Dawn‘s is fairly traditional. Bella…wears a turn-of-the-20th-century satin dress (white, of course) with “a long line of pearl buttons up the back” and frets she’ll trip over the lengthy train. Her hair is adorned with a pair of Grandma Swan’s ornate silver, sapphire-studded combs. The bride, who enlists Alice Cullen as a bridesmaid to help with all the planning, walks down the aisle to the stately tunes of Wagner’s wedding march, and there are lots and lots of flowers—a “profusion of white blossoms that hung in garlands.”

I could go on. 

Anyway, the article then goes on to inform us that a source says KStew’s “best friends” Nikki Reed and Dakota Fanning would be bridesmaids and that she’s be more likely to “wear a white sundress and kick off her shoes on a remote beach to say ‘I do.'”

This isn’t the first time the CLEARLY misinformed OK! has suggested Kristen will wear a sundress somewhere. Seriously, have you seen the child? Does she look like she wears sundresses???

 

what a pretty lady!

what a pretty lady!

Luckily, according to the article, “Rob is so in love with her, he would let her do whatever she wants.” Well at least they got that part right. He’s been very understanding about the hairstyle.

PS The sidebar that runs with the article suggests that fans should be on “bumpwatch” since Edward and Bella have a baby, and that Rob and Kris (whose mothers are named Clare and Jules) will name their baby Jules. Seems like sound journalism to us. And that drunk guy at the bar!

 

 

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